April 11, 2015

I took a personality test this week. My strongest personality is Beaver/Perfect Melancholy/Compliance.

It did not really reveal too much that I didn’t already know about myself..but it did shine light on some pretty negative characteristics that I tend to have.

One is unforgiving.  I would like to say this is completely wrong.  But is not.  I can be very unforgiving.  I feel like I will let it go and let it go until the final straw. Once that straw is broke there is no going back.  There is no one more chance.  I am done.

Thank goodness that is not how God deals with us!

Because I am more introverted, I internalize situations.  I have numerous fights with people…in my head. In most cases, I would rather walk away from you then get my point across.

Not always, but another quality I have to a fault can be argumentative and headstrong. My second personality, not much behind the first, is lion/powerful choleric/dominance.

So I guess, if I care enough to fight with you, you should feel privileged!  I could just walk away and not forgive!  Honestly, I tend to shy away from the one confronting, but if I am being confronted, I can stand my ground.

I do not like that I am introverted.  But I am.  I don’t know how to change that.  I do not handle large crowds or crazy parties.  I am better at a small setting.  With people that I know…well.

I have this on going struggle to fit in.  I do not want to BS about your neighbors or your dog doing tricks.  I do not want to sit around and talk about nothing.  I want real.

Our church has these groups.  Called “real life groups”.  Some of the people in this group couldn’t tell you my kids’ names…I definitely can’t tell you their kids’ names.  That’s not real life!  It lets get together, throw the kids in the basement, BS, throw some Bible/Jesus talk in and pray. 

Real life?  Real life is what a group had a very long time ago.  Mike and I were part of a good group.  And I can’t seem to move past what we lost.  And I can’t seem how to find it with new people.  And at the same time, I know that is why the group didn’t last.  We were not really real life.  We were only to a point, just below the surface.  People quit and gave up when it got too hard to share what they were going through.

Fine, if you don’t want to be real life than at least give me real tangible Bible Study.  I have started going to a Bible study at the school with other moms.  Now I know, based on personality and theirs, that these women will not become my best friends.  But I also know, they will challenge me in that moment to be a better me.  I do not need to be best friends with them.   I have my best friends.  What I need is for them to have deep conversation and create a space where I can share what I want and not feel threatened.  I need to be able to say, you know what life sucks right now and here is why or life is great, wouldn’t change a thing!  This mom’s group has more potential on a Wednesday afternoon to show true emotions and life than this Friday night real life group.  That may sound harsh but it is true.  There is potential for heavy, deep conversation, even among women that I have little to no desire to see at my kids’ birthday party!!

Here is where my unwillingness to forgive comes in.  I focus on the past and what happened in previous groups and circles of friends.  What’s the point?  Why bother?  I know it is not real life.

And here, my third personality comes rushing in!  Close behind the second again, I am the golden retriever/ peaceful phlegmatic/steadiness.  But not in a good way. I am fearful, reluctant, and worried.  I worry about jumping in with my whole heart because I am afraid to let my guards down.  I am reluctant to do it because it never seems to work. As much as I know Wednesdays will be a good thing for me I will try to talk myself out of it all week!  That day I will be sick to my stomach about it.  So much of me has no will to be there but needs to be there for the spiritual growth. This personality is also why I won’t go against Friday nights.  I am consistent.  I like routine.  I am reserved and I don’t want anyone to be offended by us not going or quitting.

The only personality that doesn’t try taking over is the otter/popular sanguine/influence.  Yeah, no.  I like behind the scene.  I like quiet spaces.

I have the strengths of a lion, but the weakness of a beaver and golden retriever.  What a complicated mess I am. My poor husband.

If you want to read more about the bold personalities you can go here or here.  Both are good reads.

If you want to take a similar test and have about 20 minutes you can go here.  If you want a more in-depth test and print things out, you can go here. But honestly, I just took like 4 different ones on top of the one that I have printed out and I scored the same..

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